An ironic first Mother’s Day.

Being that I’ve had a baby growing in my belly for 16 weeks now, Brian felt it appropriate to celebrate Mother’s Day for me.  I have to admit, I’m kinda pleased to have rights to a whole new holiday.  (Fingers crossed for many instances of breakfast in bed, clean up included.)

This morning I saw that Brian had placed a Mother’s Day card on the kitchen counter for me.  He was still dozing in bed when I opened it.  It was probably for the better that he didn’t see my initial reaction to my gift as I think that I paused, squinted, pondered and then finally agreed with his logical and practical choice.

Most of us, when we think of Mother’s Day gifts, think of Hallmark, flowers, Edible Arrangements (*ahem*… dark chocolate covered orange slices … *ahem*), shopping excursions, salon and spa pampering, a getaway, etc.

I got a Lowes giftcard.

Initially the selection seemed ironic considering that I’m usually bored enough to resort to playing on my phone whenever Brian drags me to home improvement stores.  That said, he gets me well enough to know that I prefer to be practical and will definitely be using this gift to customize our home and nursery.

Well done, Brian.  Well done.

Towards the early evening, we stopped in to see Brian’s mom for a spell.  Prior to that, we had enjoyed a Chinese lunch with my own family in Winchester.

*Here’s the part where you really need to stop reading if you’re eating or are easily made queasy.  Too Much Information is coming.*

On this, my first Mother’s Day, I finally was initiated into the Pregnant Women Who Throw Up club.

Here I made it through my entire first trimester, just burping my little heart out but never once running to hover over the toilet.  But now, at the beginning of my 16th week, I had to ask Brian to pull over to the side of the road so that I could rid myself of the contents in my tummy.

Pregnant Square Piece could not be more proud of her timing in getting Brian to pull over.  Not one speck of mess was made in the car and we were even fortunate enough to have stopped right next to a drain hole.  ‘Twas nice not to have a puddle of vomit splattering at my feet.  (See how I’m being thankful?  More to come.)

Listen, I almost never throw up.  My body just toughs out a lot of sickness and poor food choices, much to my dismay.  We all know how much better you feel when you just puke and get it over with.  But me?  NoOoOoOo… I usually have to suffer for hours while grossness passes through my system at a snail’s pace.

So on the very few occasions that I actually do throw up, it’s really executed with a vengeance.  My body isn’t content to merely release through the mouth.  No, I’m one of those lucky ones who gets to vomit through the nose as well.  (Please tell me I’m not alone.)  If you’ve never experienced this, it’s A.W.F.U.L.  First of all, you have to be sure to have ample tissues on hand.  (Brian was a doll in scrounging around for every last one that the two of us had between us.  I even resorted to the used one that he had in his pocket.)  Second of all, it feels like that sensation of accidentally sucking chlorinated water up through your nose… for hours.  (Yay.  Chlorine headache.)  And finally, you have the pleasure of continuing to puke the food chunks out through your nostrils every single time you blow your nose for the next half hour.  Yes, Brian had to stop at a gas station for more napkins.

I seriously hope that this day does not set a trend for future Mother’s Days to come.

That said, I’m thankful for

• my husband who braved the abyss that is my purse in order to find my Breakfast At Tiffany’s kitty cat tissues
• the drainage hole
• my impeccable timing in warning Brian to slow down “just in case” I had to throw up
• the fact that it was still daylight (which makes everything less scary)
• the fact that I don’t still feel icky and really that I only felt icky right before the entire episode (as opposed to all afternoon)
• the fact that my body expelled the offensive food in one direction, not two
• the fact that this is only the first time I’ve thrown up for my entire pregnancy
• hair bands
• water
• napkins