Blame it on the soy sauce.

I had one thought upon entering work yesterday:

Oh no.  This is NOT going to work.

I found my nemesis in a pair of turquoise skinny jeans.

For several years now I’ve owned these jeans and randomly wear them when the mood strikes, but yesterday…  Well, yesterday they turned on me.  My theory is that the soy sauce from the night before made my hips explode.  Throughout the day I proceeded to wriggle, tug and jump up and down to get these slithering thigh-haters back to a comfortable location on my body.  Where I began the day wondering if I’d ever be a grown up (see yesterday’s post), I ended the day with words like, “I am NEVER shopping in the Junior Department EVER again.”

Sure enough, when I got home those pants came off faster than a monkey could peel a banana.  …But not before I explained the situation to Brian.

Me, “Brian, I am NEVER wearing these jeans again.”

Brian, “Why not?”

Me, “Exhibit A.”  Then, with my back turned, I squatted down on the floor for a visual and Brian got to know the plumber side of me.

Brian, “OOOOOOHHH!  Did that happen to you at work today?!”

Me, already changing, “No.  I stood all day.  But still…  I think it was the soy sauce.”

Brian, “W.h.a.t.”

Me, “Yeah, when women eat salt, it makes them swell.”

Brian, “That ONE packet of soy sauce could not have made that big of a difference!  You didn’t change that much!”

Me, “It was two packets!”

Regardless.

Now where can I find turquoise skinny jeans for adults?