King Solomon used a lot of words to describe just how beautiful his lover was. I appreciate his wordiness. Sometimes hearing, “You’re beautiful,” is nice; but sometimes a little description can go a long way. I wouldn’t say that Brian was describing my beauty tonight. He did, however, spend our entire drive home from the grocery store comparing his fondness for me against his disdain for the royal family.
It all began as the tabloids faced us in the check out line.
Brian, “Do you like her? Have you seen her on tv and stuff?”
Me, “Mmmm… Pippa? Like, the royal couples’ sister?”
Me, “I don’t really know…”
Brian, “I don’t think she’s that pretty. I don’t know why everyone thinks she’s so hot.”
Me, “I think it’s because she wore that dress to her sister’s wedding.”
Me, “Yeah, it made her waist look tiny and her butt look shapely.”
Brian, “Yeah. I don’t know.”
Me, “I think she’s our age.”
Brian, “I just don’t see what the big deal is. She looks average.”
Me, “You think I’m prettier than her?”
Brian, “Oh, you dominate her! You’re smokin’! Her best picture compared to hundreds of pictures I have of you just looking regular… If you look at you and you look at her… You’re gorgeous! Remember that picture of you in Pennsylvania that I have in a frame?! Shhhhhooooo…! I mean, have you ever been in a group or on a trip and everybody’s ugly? And there’s one person who’s not really pretty, but not as ugly as everybody else, so everyone thinks they look good?”
I gave Brian a look.
He gave me one back.
Me, “Yes. Yeah, I know.”
Brian, “But I guess if you’re in the royal family, everybody looks pretty f%*#ed up. You’ve got a prince losing his hair and he’s got a big nose. And he’s just like his dad; he’s like [some weird noise].
I was driving. I never saw and am not sure what sort of charade Brian was doing to mimic Prince Charles. It didn’t sound flattering.
Brian, “I don’t see why everybody cares so much about them.”
Then my husband went on for a couple minutes about how Americans disassociated themselves from England long ago.
You wanna know how I heard our conversation tonight?
Brian thinks I’m beautiful.
It’s never really been a secret because he tells me all the time. But tonight’s rendition of his usual acclamation was a real treat.
Okay. So at this point in my blogging, I summoned Brian into the bedroom to proof the post and to be sure that he was fine with my recollection of our conversation (minus a few more choice words). Well that just got him all fired up again.
Brian, “I really hate seeing that chick’s picture on tv and on magazines and stuff. It’s the Cameron Diaz effect, I think. I just don’t get it. Except that chick’s worse cause she can’t even act.”
Me, “She’s not even an actress.”
Brian, “I’m just sayin’, she can’t.”