People always say, “Never say ‘never.'”
Well, I said it. And I ate it.
On November 30, 1994, I wrote in my Language & Spelling Journal about the discomfort of opening unlikely gifts in front of certain disconnected relatives. (Again, I’m refraining from making personal edits below.)
…I tear off the tacky “Blue Engine That Could” rapping paper and in my hands I’m holding green, blue, and pink eyeshadow that I know I would never wair in my life. So not to be mean I put on my fake smile and say, “Oh! Thankyou.” And they say, “I knew you’d love it.” If only they knew. So for Christmas I want money so I can by what I want.
Wrong again, Suzy.
Dear Eleven Year Old Square Piece,
I hate to break it to you, but this week you wore both pink and green eyeshadow… At. The. Same. Time. And… you loved it. Presently you own two shades of pink shadow, five shades of green shadow and two shades of blue shadow. (Don’t even make me count all the purples.) This, and you’ve recently purged even more shades from your disgusting and unnecessary pit of makeup.
Learn to say “thank you” and stop being so entitled.
One day you’re not going to have a clue what’s an appropriate gift for an eleven year old. You’ll find yourself wandering aimlessly and anxiously down a variety of aisles before completely losing your hope and your mind. Give us all a break.
And by the way, yes, “wair” seems like the appropriate spelling for “wear” as it rhymes with “air.” In the future, this will cause you to lose sleep as you toss and turn over all of the ways that the English language has betrayed you.
Twenty-nine Year Old Square Piece**
Suzy, I have a job for you. In my gifted reading class, a big deal is vocabulary, and we are going to do an English betrayal unit/theme. Help me with some thoughts. My school e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’ve touched on this in SLOW YOUR BREATH DOWN, PART 2 and TO VS. TWO VS. TOO… AHHH, ENGLISH. In that post, I like the comment Holly wrote about putting them in jail.
Can only smile, cause I got those, too … by the same person. Thus far, I have kept my “never” promise to myself and have yet to wear those colors. 🙂
Trust me, not the same person. I used the term “relative” loosely.
Like the one I’m not related to anymore :).
You just flat out crack me up, Suzy. You make me smile every day!
But I wear those colors all the time! Nothing wrong with them if worn correctly, right?
Certainly nothing wrong!
Suzy, This relative gave her granddaughter some really cute “first size” bras in her Christmas stocking. Never thinking about her pulling it out in front of her boy cousins and Uncle who LOVES to tease. Not sure she will ever forgive me, but I learned my lesson.
Suzy, Am so glad I’ve found your blog and I must say I’m sorry I did not have it to read to your great grandmother. Expecially the Aug 25 one about In —we trust. She would be so proud of your Mother for raising you right and you for believing.–as I am. Also I read Aug 31 and wanted to tell you the first time I went to lay my first born down for a nap after getting home from the hospital, it took 30 minutes because I could not figure out how to do it without waking him. Your great grand mother had 14 sibling who LIVED past birth. She actually had 18, there were three sets of twins. Are you sure Bennett is alone?
Yes, we’re ALL proud of Momma. 😉 And, yes, our four ultrasounds have confirmed that he’s alone and definitely a boy.
I love the comments on this! 🙂