Remember when you went to grade school and a classmate was having her birthday? Remember how maybe there’d be cupcakes and the whole class would sing to her? I couldn’t have been more jealous. With my birthday being in July, it usually came and went with barely a blip on my friends’ radars. Apparently, according to my 6th grade Language & Spelling journal, I wanted more fuss and extravagance. Enjoy the daydream and ignore my 11 year old grammatical errors:
If I could have a birthday party it would be great. I would have it at Ponderosa. Nobody but me and my friends would be there. We could eat any thing we wanted for free. It would be really decreative. My presents would be a black Thunderbird, all clothes in the world thats in style, $1,000,000.02, being allowed to go to college for free, and get a career in modeling and acting. That is my dream birthday party.
(Oh, where do I begin?)
Dear Eleven Year Old Square Piece,
- While, yes, Ponderosa does afford you the opportunity to stuff yourself silly, eventually you’ll appreciate quality over quantity. Think sushi.
- The word “decreative” doesn’t exist, but I think we need to add it to the dictionary.
- You don’t own a Thunderbird. You own an inexpensive, aqua, hatchback Chevy Aveo. It looks like an Easter egg, but gets great gas mileage.
- Even if you had all the clothes in the world that were in style, eventually you’d get pregnant and compromise your standards. While fashion can be fun, it’s never “out of style” to be a classy individual from the inside out. Focus on your heart, health and skin care and everything else will look good on you.
- Money doesn’t buy happiness. Believe it or not, you’ll realize eventually that you actually prefer simplicity.
- As for going to college for free? While that wasn’t exactly a birthday gift, you did earn a full academic scholarship to Bridgewater College. Don’t get too excited. You hated it, left after one semester, moved to Florida, moved to Virginia and eventually became a hairstylist. But you know what? You’re a GREAT hairstylist. Soooo…
- Forget modeling and acting. You’re not tall enough, for one. And for two, I hate to say it, you’re not that good an actress. Keep writing instead. Eventually, between the hair and the blogging, you’ll find yourself quite content.
Twenty-nine Year Old Square Piece**