Mentally: Well, I suppose the mental state is a great place to start today as I’ve somehow lost track of my progress. Apparently I’m in week 19, though last week I thought it was week 17. It’s so confusing how the 40 week pregnancy trackers actually begin count based on the first day of your last period (which was Wednesday, January 25th). I keep tracking this according to the day of conception (which was a Sunday night) and mentally rolling into the next week of pregnancy on a Sunday/Monday. But, nope, I’m all mixed up. I’m due on a Tuesday, which means the weekly tracker is right at commencing on a Wednesday. And I’ve been off for a while now.
These things matter to a square piece like me. While I’m fully aware that my body is going to do whatever the heck it wants, I still want to know e.x.a.c.t.l.y how close to average I am.
Spiritually: You might not know this about me, but last year’s new year’s resolution was a doozy! I had committed to fasting both breakfast and lunch once a week in order to spend that time in earnest and intentional prayer for my loved ones. (If you ever saw me post on Facebook, “How can I pray for you today?” that’s what was going on.)
Those times were some of the richest, most wonderful hours spent hunched over at the throne of God, beseeching His mercy on behalf of my friends and family. What joy! So many prayers were answered that I can’t even keep track! Regularly I began to notice change and growth (physical, spiritual, mental and emotional) that could have only blossomed out of the kindness of the Lord!
And now? Now I’m Preggo Distracto. Carving that intimate time in prayer and scripture has been momentously harder as my mind is occupied with, “Baby, baby, baby…”
While I wouldn’t even call it a valiant effort, an effort has been made to prioritize a consistent quiet time once again. No, obviously I’m not fasting. But without the discipline to make this happen now, how on earth will I make it when I’ve got an infant?!
Emotionally: Yep. Got a big, fat cry out in front of some of my closest girlfriends this week. They gave me space to talk out some of the finer details of my heart’s struggle concerning my dad (who, as far as I know, still doesn’t have a clue that I’m pregnant). Ahhhhh, that was great. They all teared up, too. There’s definitely something to be said for, “Weep with those who weep.” It’s immensely encouraging.
It was also a joy to have Brian stop by work yesterday and get to witness me telling a client that I’m four months pregnant. Everyone in his circle already knows, but I’m still enjoying getting to drop that bomb every day. Brian got to experience firsthand the explosion of surprise and joy followed by the barrage of questioning regarding the more important concern of hair.
“Are you coming back? When are you leaving? …Are you sure you’re coming back? I’ll come to your house for a cut, I don’t care. When are you due? Who do you think should do my hair? …But you’re definitely coming back? Have you already started looking into childcare? Are you going to do day care?…”
It makes me very happy that my husband got to witness this. It’s such a unique experience.
Physically: I’ve tried to capture pictures of this, and I’m not giving up on it! But lately I’ve been experiencing the mysterious case of the appearing and disappearing vein. For about a five inch trail behind my right knee, I’ve got this awful blue vein that starts out smooth in the morning, but – depending on Esther’s walk or my lack of rest during the work day – slithers out into this bulging, terrible, squiggly, angry reminder that my body is changing.
I believe that varicose veins run in my genetics. That’s what self-tanner is for, right?
If you read yesterday’s post, you might have learned something about me and Corn Flakes. The other monumental craving this week has been peaches. Once my body had made up it’s mind about peaches, I became desperate. It didn’t matter if they were canned, jarred, fresh or in the form of a milkshake, I just needed some peaches! Fortunately, there was enough of a break in my day that I could dash to the grocery store. Two out of six peaches were aggressively consumed on my way back to work and another half of a peach once I got there. Then I enjoyed another peach in my granola and yogurt the following morning.
I’m so glad that we’ve graduated from fast food to peaches.
And at the risk of turning today’s post into a novel-length blog, there’s one more odd sensation that I wanted to mention. Every now and then, a familiar and slight cramp-like sensation will come to my attention and the first thing that I think is, “Crap! Do I have a tampon in my purse?!” Seriously, the feeling is so like that of the warnings of an impending period that – believe it or not – for a split second I forget that I’m pregnant and think that I’m unprepared to start my cycle.
And, no, I STILL have not felt Bennett move. Still. Did I mention that I haven’t felt him move yet? Still? Thus far no butterflies in my belly. People keep saying, “Any day now.” Mmhmm. We. Shall. See.