Mental: Four more months to go (give or take… who knows?). Time really feels like it’s flying, zipping, soaring by. How am I five months pregnant right now? I mean… like… I know “how.” But still, how? There’s a pendulum that swings back and forth within me. Almost all of the time it’s on the calm, take-this-in-stride side. But sometimes I’m hit with a second of awestruck panic and I realize that the pendulum has made its move once again.
Emotional: Ahem. Pregnant Square Piece has something to say: In life, when you’re given a moment in which you have the opportunity to be discouraging, encouraging or say nothing at all, never choose discouraging (obviously there are critical, life-threatening, future-shaping exceptions).
Say, for instance, that you overhear Pregnant Square Piece being asked if she wants a drug-free childbirth experience.
And say, for instance, that you overhear Pregnant Square Piece confirm that she indeed does. She continues to acknowledge that she knows her ideals might not be met, but she’s educating herself enough to try and be in a position where pain will not be surprising, therefore causing her not to panic, leaving her in a mental state to relax and cope with it rather than to fear it. Pregnant Square Piece explains that when she’s in a state of panic, pain hurts worse and she might opt for drugs; but when she knows why the pain is there, she can typically manage it better.
Do not, under any circumstances, upon overhearing this conversation mutter, “Good luck,” at Square Piece. I’m not saying you can’t think it. Go ahead. Just keep it out of my head, please.
Yes, I’m well aware that there are such things as epidurals and a cesarean sections. It’s not like I want a drug-free birth because I didn’t realize medications are available. I’m well aware that many women want to give natural childbirth a try, but change their mind in the moment. Who knows? Maybe that’ll be me. But maybe it won’t. And the last thing that I need when I’m in labor and an overwhelming, body-rocking contraction hits me is to hear some I-know-better-than-you voice in my head chiming a condescending, “Good luck,” at me.
How about, “God bless”?
How about, “I hope that works out for you”?
How about, “I’ll keep you in my prayers”?
How about, “If you can do it, great”?
How about silence?
Spiritual: Soooo… if it isn’t already obvious, Square Piece clearly needs prayer over her increasing irritability. There’s a defensiveness that arises when I feel challenged. And the last way that I want to live my life is with the motivation that I’ve got something to prove. Instead, I want to ever recall the constant ways in which I’m called to love others. (“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength… Love your neighbor as yourself… Love your enemies…” ~The Bible.) When given the option to be fueled by love versus fueled by grudge, I want to choose love.
Brian’s been doing a great job reading scripture and praying with me. My love and appreciation for him continues to grow in this time.
Physical: If it weren’t for my pained feet, there were a few days this week that I didn’t even feel pregnant.
So as far as feet management goes, my new strategy is to spend a good 30 minutes a day on the electric foot massager. Makes all the difference.
And, in other physical news, I fear that I’m going to have to say a difficult goodbye soon…
To be continued…