Emotional: My heart feels warm to the fact that instincts might be developing sooner than later (as mentioned two days ago in this post).
Sometimes when I think about how close I am to the end of this pregnancy, my eyes begin to well with tears! And it’s not because I’m scared or upset by how the time has flown, but I simply can’t believe that this is really happening. Back in March, this was such a distant reality.
I am really pregnant.
And this baby is really happening.
Physical: You might think this is ridiculous, but I. Don’t. Care:
I swear my nose has gotten bigger. Now, I’m probably the only person who would ever notice such a teensy, tiny, itty-bitty, subtle, hardly-there difference. But I’m telling you, I think this really happened!
No, this is not causing my world to crumble down around me; I just think it’s worth noting.
Also, I think that Bennett had a growth spurt over Wednesday night. My belly button was flattened out on Thursday morning. That same morning I also felt Bennett reach higher towards my sternum than ever before!
And I don’t mean to jinx myself, but if you’re wondering why I have yet to mention stretch marks during this entire pregnancy, it’s because so far I don’t have any. For the most part, I’ve been using this cream on my belly (got a great deal at hair show). Maybe it’s helped? Who knows? It seems most likely that because I’ve been gaining weight so slowly that my skin has simply had time to slowly adjust to the stretching without much trauma. It’s such a mystery to me how much of that is genetic and how much of that is good skin care.
I’ll likely be posting about my new stretch marks next week.
Mental: So I’ve been thinking about my aversion to Bell’s Palsy (which I mentioned last week in this post). I think that all it comes down to is the same ol’, same ol’: I have control issues.
When I’m in control of my appearance, I feel like to a degree I’m in control of people’s perceptions of me. When I’m in control of these perceptions, then I’m in a better position to keep myself comfortable because I ensure that they’re in my corner, on my team or generally feeling favorable toward me. Dare I call this subtle manipulation? Yeah, I dare.
But if my face became paralyzed? Well, that’d likely make some people uncomfortable. Perhaps they’d be slower to offer assistance at a store or negotiate a better price at a market. Maybe I’d have fewer friends. Then again, maybe I’d have the best, most genuine, least surface-y friendships I’ve ever known!
Spiritual: So I have to trust that the Lord knows best.
It’s exciting to discover more nooks and crannies where I’m still secretly grappling for control. I’m quite good at deceiving myself; so once a little light is shed on my ugly sin, it’s a humbling and awesome opportunity for the Lord to pry another one of my fingers off of the reigns and hand them over to Him.
God’s done the best job being in control; not me. None of the blessings in my life are the work of my own hands.
So I’m thankful for my face twitches and spasms. They’ve been an excellent catalyst for me to be slightly more honest and introspective with myself. I don’t always like what I find, but I’m still a work in progress!
If your nose has gotten bigger it’s because of pregnancy swelling. Towards the end of both my pregnancies my nose got bigger and so did my face. I feel you I already feel like my nose is big so when it got bigger I thought all people saw was a huge nose. But I’m sure your nose is still tiny!
I saw week 35 and started bouncing around like Tigger. 🙂
I know that bounce well. I can see you.
Aren’t we all a work in progress. I have a question: I heard over the weekend Jesus expresses as part of his beliefs, the need for all to be private in their prayer. Can you verify or tell me where to find this scripture?
Matthew 6:5 states, “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.”
I believe the emphasis isn’t on prayer being secretive as much as the emphasis is on prayer not being showy and a “performance.” The hypocrites (a.k.a. the pharisees) loved to be acknowledged by men; they took much value in others being impressed with them. The point of prayer, however, is to communicate with the Lord, which does not need any man’s recognition. The manner in which it’s approached oftentimes points to the heart’s intention in praying in the first place. And as scripture tells us, the Lord takes a particular interest in our hearts, not just our actions (as seen in Mark 12 with the story of the widow to gave two mites).
Amen and Amen!