Having Known for 30 Weeks / At Week 36.

Physical: Yesterday morning Brian asked me if I’d be interested in going hiking with him.

Me, “Explain yourself.”

Brian, “Oh, I was thinkin’ it’d be cool to hike Old Rag Mountain.”

Me, “Brian. Do you realize that I have to wear support hose just to stand for eight hours?  And special shoes?  And that I laid the rug out in the nursery this morning and when I finished I was out of breath and my heart rate went up?”

Brian, “Really?  Just from that?  Oh.”

Perhaps a hike would be more in order if I was attempting to help induce labor.  But for now, Bennett’s better off staying put.

Oh, here’s one more change that I almost forgot to mention because it’s hardly a known pregnancy condition: stuffy ears.  Sometimes pregnant women complain of this and of being able to “hear their heartbeats” in their ears.  I’m so glad that I looked this up and found confirmation that I’m not alone.  In no way, shape or form do I feel sick, but I obsessively want to clear my ears (kinda like if I was on a plane).  From my understanding, this could be due to the usual pregnancy culprits: excessive fluids, increased blood volume, increase in estrogen, Bennett’s increasing pressure on my body, blah blah blah…

Spiritual: Thankful.  Thankful for feeling a sense of calm and a sense of peace.  Thankful for the ways in which the Lord has provided in a manner that really just points back to how wonderful He is.  Looking around at the transformation of my home has reminded me of Malachi 3:10 where He challenges His listeners to “dare” Him to bless them by themselves being generous back toward Him.

^{10 “}Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Well, that’s how I feel.  It’s like He’s blessing us into the need for more storage space!

Very cool.

Emotional: Happy.  I’m so happy that I’ve had two weeks in a row of physical and mental energy!  Normally each week waffles, but this one has been a bonus!

Mental: Two things: 1) I still can’t believe there’s a human being in there.  All signs point to yes, there is; but looking down at this belly, I think, I’m a human carrying a human?  How can that be?  Life from life?

I wish that I could have translucent skin for five minutes to see what’s really going on in there.  Some days it just feels too huge to be real.

2) What’s this fella going to be like?  My curiosity keeps growing and growing and growing.

Will he be joyful?  (I hope so.)  Will he shuffle when he walks like Brian does?  If he’s like Brian, will he love me like Brian?  Is there such a thing as someone who can be like Brian and not love me? … What if he’s like me?  Will he be equally stubborn?  Will he enjoy learning new things?  Will he be competitive?  Will he be chill? Laid back?  Calm?  Or will he freak out if we pass the candy aisle without indulging ourselves? … Will he be innocent and naive?  Or an old soul?  Or both?  Is he going to sleep well in the beginning?  Will I be teaching him or will he be teaching me?  Will I like him?  I mean, I know I’ll love him.  But will I like him? … Will he live for the moment and spend all of his dimes and nickels on cheap dollar store goods?  Or will he be a saver, ever careful of the future, wanting the big ticket items? … Will he call my bluffs?  Will he see right through me?  Will he roll his eyes when I put on lipstick and fancy me ridiculous? … Will he beg for the latest technology?  Will we play with Lincoln Logs?  When will it stop being okay for me to snuggle him and kiss him all over?  Will I be aware of that moment and appreciate it before it’s gone? …

I could go on.  It’s so huge.  An entire human being with his very own future is just chillin’ in my belly right now.  It’s terrifying and wonderful.

(See the belly progression here.)