Physical: It’s hard to believe that I’m at the end. I don’t get it. No, seriously, I’m confused. Shouldn’t I feel like a humungous water buffalo right now? Rarely do I glance at my side profile in a mirror. Instead, I’m always looking head on; and from that perspective I still feel on the small side. For the second week in a row now, I’ve weighed in at 154 lbs.
Size aside, shouldn’t I feel more miserable? Shouldn’t I be more uncomfortable? I mean, yeah, I can have an uncomfortable night here and there, but all in all, life is surprisingly doable.
At my Wednesday OB appointment, my midwife questioned being unable to get a consistent read on Bennett’s heart rate. In her opinion, for peace of mind, a non-stress test was in order (A.K.A. 20 minutes of monitoring). Bennett was not impressed as he continuously kicked the upper monitor with impressive precision. I’m not exactly sure where her original suspicion was placed because his heart rate is great, as always (thank the Lord).
I’ve been asked by several clients if my doctors have estimated Bennett’s size. I always reply, “No. And they better not.” There’s such a margin of error there and, to be honest, if I’m trying to labor without drugs, the last thing that I need is some scary number looming in the back of my mind.
Additionally I’ve been asked if I’m already dilated. Most of my clients are surprised to discover that I’ve been declining the internal exams that would answer that question (which are usually quite common at this point in the pregnancy). My reasoning is this: If one woman can walk around three centimeters dilated for a weeks while another woman can go from zero to three on the very day she’s going to have her baby, then such information isn’t really telling me anything definite. Eventually I’m going to dilate; maybe I already am some. But Bennett’s not here yet, I’m not in labor and I have two more days to work at the salon. I don’t need those numbers psyching me out and causing me to feel impatient for his birthday.
On another note, as I understand it, the more internal exams a pregnant woman receives, the more she’s opening herself up to the risk of infection down the road.
Mental: In conclusion to the “physical” segment, nope, I’d rather not be privy to information that doesn’t lead to a conclusive end. Just livin’ in blissful ignorance right now.
Spiritual: Church was great this Sunday. Mike preached a sermon that specifically addressed husbands and wives. I imagine that when we transition to parenthood, Brian and I will be seeing each other with new lenses, new needs, new hopes and new expectations. It never hurts to be reminded of the ways in which we can best build each other up, living with a selfless love and appreciation for one another. (Free sermon podcasts on iTunes if you look up Guilford Baptist Church.)
Emotional: Let’s discuss Brian’s emotional state:
Every day, before he and I part ways, he looks at me and says, “Hey, do me a favor and try to have a baby today. Okay?”
You think someone’s feeling anxious? I sure do.