Having Known For 33 Weeks / At Week 39

Physical: It’s hard to believe that I’m at the end.  I don’t get it.  No, seriously, I’m confused.  Shouldn’t I feel like a humungous water buffalo right now?  Rarely do I glance at my side profile in a mirror.  Instead, I’m always looking head on; and from that perspective I still feel on the small side.  For the second week in a row now, I’ve weighed in at 154 lbs.

Size aside, shouldn’t I feel more miserable?  Shouldn’t I be more uncomfortable?  I mean, yeah, I can have an uncomfortable night here and there, but all in all, life is surprisingly doable.

At my Wednesday OB appointment, my midwife questioned being unable to get a consistent read on Bennett’s heart rate.  In her opinion, for peace of mind, a non-stress test was in order (A.K.A. 20 minutes of monitoring).  Bennett was not impressed as he continuously kicked the upper monitor with impressive precision.  I’m not exactly sure where her original suspicion was placed because his heart rate is great, as always (thank the Lord).

I’ve been asked by several clients if my doctors have estimated Bennett’s size.  I always reply, “No.  And they better not.”  There’s such a margin of error there and, to be honest, if I’m trying to labor without drugs, the last thing that I need is some scary number looming in the back of my mind.

Additionally I’ve been asked if I’m already dilated.  Most of my clients are surprised to discover that I’ve been declining the internal exams that would answer that question (which are usually quite common at this point in the pregnancy).  My reasoning is this: If one woman can walk around three centimeters dilated for a weeks while another woman can go from zero to three on the very day she’s going to have her baby, then such information isn’t really telling me anything definite.  Eventually I’m going to dilate; maybe I already am some.  But Bennett’s not here yet, I’m not in labor and I have two more days to work at the salon.  I don’t need those numbers psyching me out and causing me to feel impatient for his birthday.

On another note, as I understand it, the more internal exams a pregnant woman receives, the more she’s opening herself up to the risk of infection down the road.

Mental: In conclusion to the “physical” segment, nope, I’d rather not be privy to information that doesn’t lead to a conclusive end.  Just livin’ in blissful ignorance right now.

Spiritual: Church was great this Sunday.  Mike preached a sermon that specifically addressed husbands and wives.  I imagine that when we transition to parenthood, Brian and I will be seeing each other with new lenses, new needs, new hopes and new expectations.  It never hurts to be reminded of the ways in which we can best build each other up, living with a selfless love and appreciation for one another.  (Free sermon podcasts on iTunes if you look up Guilford Baptist Church.)

Emotional: Let’s discuss Brian’s emotional state:

Every day, before he and I part ways, he looks at me and says, “Hey, do me a favor and try to have a baby today.  Okay?”

You think someone’s feeling anxious?  I sure do.


  1. October 19, 2012

    Water buffalo? 🙂 LOL

    I’m so glad that you have done everything you could to inform yourself on what to expect and that you are making your own decisions, like you mentioned above, and doing what makes you guys comfortable.

    Keep it real, Suzy … love you!

  2. October 19, 2012

    I am so glad I will be part of year one with Bennett , year two is up to the Lord.

    • October 20, 2012

      Charley, you’re going to be around for many years.. My friend with MM who had the transplant is doing so well and I have faith that you will too. Of course she has to take care of the disease, but for over 2 years, it hasn’t been active. God Bless you.

      Suzy you are one of the most beautiful pregnant women that I have ever met. No whimpering and whining from you. Love

  3. October 19, 2012

    Even my Mom was asking if you had the baby yet (although no surprise there, you know my mom is anxious for babies!) Everyone- myself included- is excited to see beautiful baby Bennett 🙂

  4. October 19, 2012

    Oh my, tears in my eyes from Charley’s comment and your reply. You are part of a group of lucky women who make pregnancy look easy. Moderate weight gain, no swollen ankles, minimal nausea. Good news is that even women who have very difficult, uncomfortable pregnancies have a beautiful baby at the end and at some point do it all again. That was what I forgot to tell you yesterday. When I talked to my parents less than an hour after Grant was born (back labor) my dad asked if I would do it again and I answered “yes—absolutely”.

  5. October 19, 2012

    I am sorry I made some tears, I probably will live long enough to see the ” Skins ” win 5 more superbowls.

  6. October 19, 2012
    Jessica croft

    Not knowing how much you are dilated is a good thing….With Titus i was dilated 3cm two or three weeks before my due date and I was so excited because I was in labor with Laura at 3cm. But instead of an early birth he was stubborn and hung around until 3 or 4 days after my due date. I was so impatient and knowing I was dilated did not help at all!

  7. October 19, 2012
    Great Aunt Ethelyn

    I’ve seen your side views and I can assure you I looked like that at 3 weeks ha. Mike was smallest at 9 4 1/2, Sandy 10 1 and Paul 10 13 1/2. Mama Harper had one weighed 15 lbs –They named her Tiny. Mama Harper was 4ft 10in. Her babies did not have monitors to kick, they kicked the pans she shelled peas in. Charley comments brought tears here too. God’s blessings on all of you.

  8. October 22, 2012

    Glad to hear of your decisions, and your peace and confidence in your decisions, way to inform yourself! (I had all four of my children at home, and no regrets.)

  9. October 22, 2012

    Awwww, he is excited and anxious I’m sure. TO be honest, I wouldn’t want any numbers lurking in the back of my brain either. I really can’t believe how quick these next couple of days are going to be.

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