It was only a matter of time before it happened.
I finally had a dream in which I was holding and caring for my own baby.
I thank the Lord for these types of dreams. With a personality like mine, it is immensely helpful to be able to picture myself in the roles that will later be required of me. For me, there’s less concern over being practically ready and more concern over being emotionally ready.
So when I awake from a dream in which I’m loving and adoring my own baby boy (with Brian’s square jawline and his gentle, green eyes), then I begin to think, Yeah, I can do well in this role. I feel it.
It’s interesting that the baby was a boy. Women have been volunteering (unprompted by me, of course) their predictions of the sex of the baby. Yes, I actually have a tally going at work. Presently, the overwhelming response is that I’m having a boy.
I’m not so sure.
And it feels like an e.t.e.r.n.i.t.y before we can find out.
One coworker gave an extra hysterical explanation as to why I’m having a boy:
Her: “In my country we have a tradition. If the mother looks like she has sad eyes, it’s going to be a boy. Your eyes look sad, Suzanna, so I think it’s going to be a boy.”
Me: “Are you sure my eyes aren’t just sad all the time?”
Great. I have sad eyes.
New cravings: Applesauce and cottage cheese, together. Been upping my fruit intake in general.
Present aversions: Beauregard. His natural stench is unbearable. Brian’s promising to bathe him. That should help for a good 17 hours before the stink comes back. Still having a hard time with the smell of coffee and the rest of my previously mentioned aversions.
Feelings: Feisty. The typical amount of patience that I possess (which keeps me out of a significant amount of trouble) seems to be wearing thin as I have strong inclinations to speak my mind when riled. This is dangerous. Words can cut a person leaving a lifetime of damage; I don’t care what that “Sticks and Stones” nursery rhyme says. This morning I spent some time rereading the accounts of Jesus’ crucifixion. When he was being falsely accused by mobs of ignorant, self-interested people, he kept his mouth shut. Best to let your life speak for itself. Commencing a valiant effort to contain the hormonal surges!
Hopes: Pretty much that my sister, Mandy, gets pregnant one day. (Love you, Manny!)
She gave me hell this Monday over the shock and disappointment of me succumbing to fast food. While my diet has been very colorful and healthy (mostly) this week, on the occasion that I do “need” fast food, it certainly feels like a desperate surrender more than an appetizing choice. I reminded Mandy that I’m sensitive right now; but it never hurts to have honesty and accountability within the family.
News: My baby apparently is the size of a large plum, according to the What To Expect pregnancy app on my phone.
Habits: Extreme belching. In fact, this has been ongoing pretty much during the entire pregnancy. Ask anyone who has been in my company for a half hour. Brian has confirmed that this is definitely a new development. When I’m at work, I try to hide the disturbing noise behind the hum of the blowdryer. It’s quite a surprising rumble that feels like it’s coming from the depths of my knees. But – oh! – I feel so much better!