And what’s developed spiritually since the babe was born?
Well, first I need you to remember the third revelation that I had upon reading Psalm 139:13, the revelation which prompted the knitting tattoo:
“Every project I’ve ever knit has had a purpose. Take an ordinary sock. It’s clearly designed with intention: a sock warms a foot. But if a sock wanted to be a hat and warm the head? Well, that’d be a pretty sad picture, wouldn’t it? Or if a hat wanted to be a scarf? Hmm, I don’t think Mr. Hat would be so successful in that. I’ve never personally knit together even the most basic project without knowing what sort of purpose it would fulfill. Sure, I might not know who the recipient of said project will be; but I do know what the function of the piece is.
So if God knitted me together in my mother’s womb, that must mean that He’s knitted me together with certain gifts, talents and abilities to fulfill specific purposes. So all that time and effort that I spend envying the differences in others would probably be better spent appreciating that a loving God crafted me with skill and intention. I might not be the best at being somebody else; but if I pay attention, I could be the best at being me and living up to my design.”
In order to be perfectly clear, I’ve gone so far as to insist that Brian take a couple of ridiculous pictures.
Here you’ll see my attempt to use a scarf to warm my head and a hat to warm my neck:
Pretty pathetic seeing as I’m not the sultan of anything.
But here you’ll see the scarf as it was designed to be worn as well as the hat:
So in my everyday life, when I purchase a hat and wear it as the original designer intended it to be worn, I’m acting in agreement with the designer and my actions display the value that I find in his purposes.
The same goes for the scarf.
And the same goes for a new hairstyle. If someone were to take the time to not only customize a look for me, but also teach me exactly how to style it with certain products and techniques, then when I go home and copy that approach, my actions would be reflecting a trust in my stylist and a respect for my stylist.
And so the same goes for the Lord knitting me together with motherly instincts and abilities.
There is a vast array of purposes that the Lord has for me on this earth. But there’s not a bone in my body that doubts that being Bennett’s mother is one of them. Quite the contrary. Never do I know a greater sense of rightness than when I’m nurturing and caring for that boy. Some people feel that having kids would feel akin to shackling weights to their hands and feet, imprisoned at home, suffocated by domesticity.
Well, I’ve never felt more free. How could I feel as if I’m in a cage when all my heart does is soar, soar, soar, dipping and swirling, spreading its wings and reveling in the joy that is before me?
Clearly I was made for this, like a hat is made for the head. Daily, my soul nods in agreement and thanks to the Lord for being such a wise designer. In quiet praise, I ascribe worth to the purposes He’s placed before me. And, ya know, some people call that, “ascribing worth,” worship.
So, no, I don’t have as much free time to read my Bible as I used to. Mornings are hectic, afternoons are hectic and evenings are hectic. I can’t remember the last time that I fasted and prayed. (I’d be a little concerned about my breast milk supply dwindling!) All the showy acts that once demonstrated my heart for the Lord are few and far between these days.
…And yet… I don’t feel a shred of guilt.
Here’s why: There might’ve once been a time in my life when the absence of daily devotions (prayer time, Bible study, etc.) would have definitely indicated a wandering heart. But now? Now is different. My heart isn’t running from Him, replacing our quality time with less meaningful idols. No, my heart runs to Him daily, it’s just that my worship looks a little different.
Bennett is one of the best presents that the Lord has ever placed in my lap. In every way, the fiber of my being was obviously designed with skills, talents, abilities, interests and love to care for this boy. So WHEN I care for this boy, I’m valuing both the gift and the giver, my actions reflecting an agreement with His purposes, ascribing worth to what He’s designed me to be and the intentional purposes with which he knit me together.
All that to say, when I mother Bennett, my spirit feels like it’s worshipping the Lord and my soul feels like it’s is loving Him, too.
(Do feel free to share this if you know of someone who might need the encouragement!)