Lotus birth.

Before shutting down my station for the day, my husband, Brian, came in for a much needed haircut.

Brian is one man who does not take advantage of the fact that he’s married to a stylist.  No, he might get his hair cut twice a year, three times at the most.  While most clients practically melt into the shampoo bowl while enjoying a good head massage, Brian remains rigid and completely uncomfortable the entire time.

So we decided to forego the shampoo step today.

I don’t know if it’s the tenderness between two people having a baby or if Brian’s finally picked up on my “back against the chair, chin up” mantra, but neither of us left the haircut frustrated tonight.

Former Square Piece used to take things a wee bit personally when cutting her husband’s hair.  Here’s the thing: when a client slumps four inches forward in the chair, then I have to lean in an extra four inches to comfortably reach her.  When I lean in, I have to slightly hover over the back of the chair, bending my back in a subtle, but uncomfortable, position.  While I’ll recite the mantra a few times for my clients, Square Piece prefers to only have to say it once to her husband.

After having said it two or three times, Former Square Piece would then dramatically lament to Brian, “When you lean forward, it makes me feel like you don’t love me.  You obviously don’t care that my back hurts, otherwise you wouldn’t keep doing it!  If you cared, you’d pay attention.”

(I giggle to myself at the silliness of such exasperation.  Wouldn’t it be funny if I pulled those lines on my regular clientele?  He he he… “You obviously don’t love me…”)

Nope, tonight Brian did great.  His hair is VERY short now.  (It’s the kind of short that makes me think he’ll need his next haircut when I’m as big as a whale.)  Being that both of us were happy to see each other and my picky stylist feelings weren’t being hurt, I enjoyed the opportunity to freak Brian out with some childbirth discussion.

Me, “Brian, one of my clients is a midwife and she was telling me about something called a lotus birth.  Have you ever heard of a lotus birth?”

Brian, getting uncomfortable, “No.”

Me, “Well, you know how the baby is born still attached to the umbilical cord?”

Brian, “Yeah.”

Me, “Actually, this part isn’t about the lotus birth, but it’s interesting and I definitely want to do it.  She said that the umbilical cord is still pulsing and you can request for them to wait to cut the cord until it stops pulsing because up to one third of the baby’s blood supply is still in the cord.  I mean, the baby’s going to be fine either way, but that just makes good sense.  She said it can take around 10 minutes.”

Brian, “Uh huh.”

Me, “But the lotus birth is different because the mom births the baby, doesn’t cut the umbilical cord, then births the placenta and keeps the baby attached to the placenta with the umbilical cord.  They just keep the placenta around in a bag for a while until the umbilical cord shrivels up and detaches on its own.”

Brian, cringing.

Me, “Yep, they just carry it around.  Can you imagine going to the grocery store like that?  I mean, just carrying an organ around?”

Brian, “Do we have to talk about this?  That’s *#&%@! disgusting.”

Me, desperately trying to keep a straight face, “I think I want to do it.”

Brian, “No.”

Me, already laughing, “I’m just kidding!  I just couldn’t wait to mess with you!”

Brian, “Seriously, the thought of it just makes me want to throw up.”

Oh, this is going to be fun…