Ginny B. asked, “Have you been angry at Charley’s passing?
Is it hard being around cancer survivors?”
The short and easy answers … “no” … and … “yes” …
No, I’m not angry that Charley passed. I’m not angry with him for leaving, or God for allowing it, or the doctors/nurses who worked so hard to heal his body and keep him comfortable during his trial with cancer.
What I am is thankful … I’m thankful for the extra year and a half that God gave us after Charley almost died of meningitis. I’m grateful that he is no longer suffering from the cancer and the paralysis. I know, without a shadow of doubt, where he is now. Do I miss him, yes, I do, with a deep, aching in my heart that sometimes makes me feel like I can’t breathe. Especially today, this is our 18th anniversary. I’m very thankful for the anniversaries that we got to celebrate and for the time that we had together.
We truly have much to be thankful for …. Charley had a very grace-filled parting …. he was able to see everyone he loved and everyone he needed to say goodbye to before saying, “I think it’s time to go.” Most people don’t realize this, but the tumor on his spine was growing again and that’s why he was seeping blood along the incision where he had the surgery. I’m thankful that he did not suffer like that for very long …. The grief over our “loss” is still very intense at times … I have been extra emotional this week with our impending anniversary.
Yes, it is, or rather it was, hard to be around other cancer survivors, at first … but, only because it made me wonder why them and not Charley. I say, “at first” because that feeling didn’t last long … in fact, I often forget that a person is a cancer survivor unless they mention it. When I do think about this, I tend to believe that Charley’s work on earth was done (trust me, that’s really not as easy to wrap my mind around as it is to type it out) and the “survivors” (not just of cancer) are still here because they must have some unfinished business (again, not an easy thing to wrap my mind around, cause I think he could have carried on the dad and granddad business a wee bit longer).
I hope that answers your question, thank you for asking.