Ginny B. asked, “Have you been angry at Charley’s passing?
Is it hard being around cancer survivors?”
The short and easy answers … “no” … and … “yes” …
No, I’m not angry that Charley passed. I’m not angry with him for leaving, or God for allowing it, or the doctors/nurses who worked so hard to heal his body and keep him comfortable during his trial with cancer.
What I am is thankful … I’m thankful for the extra year and a half that God gave us after Charley almost died of meningitis. I’m grateful that he is no longer suffering from the cancer and the paralysis. I know, without a shadow of doubt, where he is now. Do I miss him, yes, I do, with a deep, aching in my heart that sometimes makes me feel like I can’t breathe. Especially today, this is our 18th anniversary. I’m very thankful for the anniversaries that we got to celebrate and for the time that we had together.
We truly have much to be thankful for …. Charley had a very grace-filled parting …. he was able to see everyone he loved and everyone he needed to say goodbye to before saying, “I think it’s time to go.” Most people don’t realize this, but the tumor on his spine was growing again and that’s why he was seeping blood along the incision where he had the surgery. I’m thankful that he did not suffer like that for very long …. The grief over our “loss” is still very intense at times … I have been extra emotional this week with our impending anniversary.
Yes, it is, or rather it was, hard to be around other cancer survivors, at first … but, only because it made me wonder why them and not Charley. I say, “at first” because that feeling didn’t last long … in fact, I often forget that a person is a cancer survivor unless they mention it. When I do think about this, I tend to believe that Charley’s work on earth was done (trust me, that’s really not as easy to wrap my mind around as it is to type it out) and the “survivors” (not just of cancer) are still here because they must have some unfinished business (again, not an easy thing to wrap my mind around, cause I think he could have carried on the dad and granddad business a wee bit longer).
I hope that answers your question, thank you for asking.
Momma
Oh, Momma, it’s only been three months, but it feels like you’ve come so far. In my thankful journey, I’m so thankful that God blessed you with someone who was so smitten with you and that it was your pleasure to care so well for him.
*shaking head in agreement* I couldn’t have said it better myself. Charley was one of the biggest blessings to this family and especially to momma. His love redeemed all that crap that she went through in past relationships. <3
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PS: I really enjoyed your post on your blog today.
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Donna, thank you. You need to start putting these words in a book to help others.
Suzy, you said exactly what I have been thinking for so long. Some people wait their whole life and never find that kind of love. To add the love of the Father in heaven that both of your parents have, makes their lives so much more complete when I look at them.
Thank you all for walking us through this journey with you.
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I loved reading the post with tear filled eyes. Tears of Joy for Charley being in the presence of God and tears of sadness for my dear Donna and family. I awoke this morning with prayer on my heart for all of you. Happy Anniversary.
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Thank you for taking on my question. I’m sorry you wound up answering it on your anniversary.
I thought the timing of your question was perfect. It helped me work through the emotions of this special day. ♡
I’m glad to hear that.
I know he’s in a better place, but I definitely miss him as well. I was so thankful to have known him for as long as I did.
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Suzy, although I not ever met your mama or Charley, I have always loved them. And reading this, just makes me love them more. So grateful to read about such sweet love and grace.
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Donna,
I postponed reading this post today until just now. I too lost my husband to cancer nearly 6 months ago. Suzy had told me what this Monday’s subject was so I was hesitant to read. I am just to the point where I do not cry every day. Our 24th anniversary is coming up in Oct. I am so thankful that David is no longer suffering, but I miss him tremendously!!! Some of my hardest moments are seeing couples that are growing old together…I so wanted to grow old with David.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for sharing that, and for your prayers ♡ it IS hard seeing other couples growing old together … we had dreamed of getting a travel trailer and sight-seeing all over America when he retired … I pray God comforts you, too, and fills your days with His peace. ♡ ♡ ♡
My heart goes out to you. When you posted Charley’s picture I thought you must be having a tough time. Be sure to take care of yourself. I know you have a strong faith and hopefully that will help. Love
My faith in God does indeed help … I can’t imagine going through this without knowing God and His love/hope/comfort, which He daily expresses to me through my children … especially that squishy little grandson. ♡
Momma
I don’t know if you realize the sweetness that exudes from your writing. You bare yourself for us to see and share and although you know I am not a church-going person, it is truly a blessing to witness your honesty . ❤
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