No dignity left at the gym.

Marcus humiliated me at the gym today.  And I let him.  That’s what I’ve paid for, right?

You have GOT to see this in your mind.  I’ll walk you through it.

First, let’s start with the basic squat.

Picture yourself doing a typical  squat.  Up, down, up, down, up, down…  Except, you need to widen your legs.  Think sumo wrestler.  You’re doing sumo squats.  Up, down, up, down, up, down.  Except, something changes on the up.  Instead of just coming back up, you’re actually coming up on only one of your sumo legs.  The other leg is hiking straight out to the side.  A high, side kick, if you will.

Sumo squat down, sumo stand up on the right leg with the left leg flailing to the left; sumo squat down, sumo stand up on the left leg with the right leg flailing to the right, etc.  Continue alternating back and forth.

But your not done.  I mean, come on… What are you doing with your hands?  Got them on your waist, do you?  Not quite.

No, it’s more like this lady:

While your legs are acting like flailing scissors during your wide sumo squats, your arms are extended eye level in front of you.  They don’t last long in that position, though, because you’re holding a 10lb. kettle bell that swings low between your legs when you squat.  And when you come back up from the squat (with your jazzy side leg kicks in motion), you’ve got to swing the weight high to eye level again.

So to be clear: limbs are swinging in all directions unless you’re in a low, wide squat like a sumo wrestler.

We were standing on the path in the MIDDLE of the facility with foot traffic all around us.  Yes.  And when I saw Marcus’ demonstration (which can only be described as looking twinkle-toed and thumpy), all I could utter was, “No.  That looks ridiculous.”

Marcus knows that I’m up for just about any physical challenge.  But the mental challenge of handing over my pride and dignity is much harder than any exercise.  (This was even worse than having to run in slow motion.  Remember?)

I stepped into position and I let out a long sigh.

Knowing just how stupid this whole routine looked, I simply looked at Marcus and said, “Just stand a little closer so I can kick you.”


  1. November 29, 2011
    Momma @Donna


    so, did you kick him


  2. November 29, 2011

    I love the last line! I picture you saying that to him and I can hear you as clear as day. :0)

  3. November 30, 2011

    Too funny! I had to hold back a laugh as loud as Nikki’s the other day bc I’m already in bed (sardines in here again)…I have soooo many comments about the pic. Can u print it out and hang it in the back room at work? The image of u doing a seizure kungfu panda move will keep me all smiles tomorrow… lol.

  4. November 30, 2011


  5. December 5, 2011

    And that’s why they make video workouts for home 🙂 Ain’t catching me do any of that sumo stuff in public, well not repeatedly anyways…. lol.

  6. December 12, 2011
    Adele Bernard

    My old trainer John had me doing crazy things at the gym. I remember on workout that reminded me of a duck so I would say through the whole thing, “quack quack waddle waddle.” and I would shake my butt like a duck.

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