Pre-princess toes.

Have you ever had a guest accidently step in a mess that one of your pets made?  I once had an ex-boyfriend (while he was an ex) step barefoot into dog crap that was in my backyard.  I’m not gonna lie.  I was tickled.  My latest experience, however, felt neither ticklish nor satisfying.  I just had to help someone clean my cat’s puke off of her pretty feet.  There was puke on the tablecloth, puke on the table and then my guest got puke on her feet.  More upsetting than the puke, was the fact that her feet made her seem like royalty and my feet made me seem like Cinderella (pre-princess).

Well, we’re not exactly wallowing in filth over here.  That was the dream to which I awoke this morning.  It’s ever so embarrassing to have to direct someone to the bathroom so that she can wash off her fancy, expensive feet.  And that’s how I felt when I woke up this morning, embarrassed and annoyed.

I was annoyed that her feet were so pretty.

Can everyone stop getting pedicures until I catch up?

The problem isn’t the finances or lack of personal pedicure equipment.  The problem is red nail polish.  Have you ever worn red nail polish on your toes?  It looks dynamite.  Unfortunately, red nail polish discolors the nail.  Instead of looking bright and natural, the nail bed looks… antiqued.  I’ve been on a mission since late spring to give my toes some fresh air until my brother’s wedding (23 days away!).  The antiqued part has grown off of all the little toes, but the big ones, well, they’re another story.  They’re like half-n-half… or perhaps 2/3 bright and natural, 1/3 antiqued.  And I am determined – determined! – to stick to the plan.  My resolve, however, grows weak when I’m surrounded by pretty toes.  Just when I think I’m safe from temptation, safe in the comfort of my own home, BAM!  Pretty feet come find me in my sleep!

Somebody hold me accountable.