Having given birth to Bennett without the use of drugs, you’d have thought that I was finally convinced that I’m Super Woman. Even my own husband called me “a beast” (in a good way). There I was, high on achieving my childbirth goals; then – quite ironically – two very specific instances brought me back down to reality.
Have you ever heard of a fundal massage? No, you will never see this on your local spa’s menu. HmmMmm. Soon after delivery, a nurse will massage (press on, squish, etc.) your uterus by manipulating it from the belly area. Folks, I just didn’t see it coming. I nearly leapt out of the bed in shock and pain.
But it seems like there’s good reason for this fundal massage. It’s supposed to help dispel clots and ensure that the uterus is clamping down to slow the bleeding. So it’s a necessary evil. But still… Yikes.
The second bit of proof that I’m still human and should retain some humility is the fact that after ALLLLLLLL of that laboring and ALLLLLLLL of that pushing and ALLLLLLLL of the cheerleading going on in the room, when it came time to use the bathroom post-delivery, I. Just. Could. Not. Pee.
Come on come on come on come on come on come on… I know I have to go. I can feel that I have to go. My bladder is full. Pee. PEE, darn it! Relax. Listen to the running water. Feel the water. Loosen up. Come on, pee! PEEEEEEE!
Super Woman Square Piece just couldn’t go. It’s simply incredible and cruel, the irony!
My nurse, Amanda, apologized for having to accompany me in the bathroom and thought that perhaps her presence was holding me up. I assured her that after all she had seen during Bennett’s delivery, I was not so modest as to have bathroom stage fright.
So after wishing and hoping and willing myself to pee unsuccessfully, what next? You guessed it. A catheter. Yay.
Once again, Drug-Free Square Piece was gripping the bed with all of her might during her second most painful post-delivery experience. It wasn’t so much the catheter itself that sent me reeling. Nope. Bear in mind that I had just been stitched up for having cannonballed my son out of my body. That very same area needed to be cleaned/wiped down before they could tube my bladder.
It reminded me of when I was a little girl and Momma would disinfect a boo-boo with an alcohol swab while the wound still felt raw and open.
I’m very thankful that I only needed assistance the one time and was able to pee on my own after that. From my understanding, it’s not uncommon for a woman to be too swollen to pee after delivery. So I guess I’m not too special in this regard.
Weight and measurements: