In this month’s round of spam filtering, we’ve got some interesting characters to handle. I tell ya, if this doesn’t make you shake your head in disbelief and wonder, I don’t know what will. (Who really aspires to generate this nonsense? I’ll never know.) Nevertheless, here on Square Piece, we will continue to make sweetened cranberry tea out of 100% cranberry juice and believe that even dirt and lemons can be redeemed on some level. (See what I did there? Lemonade out of lemons… Cranberry tea out of… Oh, forget it… Unless you don’t know what I’m talking about. Then read this.) First up: Viagra.
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A few things I’d like to reference. First of all, I am an English-speaking pregnant woman who is 29 years of age. Are you sure you haven’t outshot your demographic? Secondly, has the use of viagra during pregnancy been proven safe? Are you trying to hurt my unborn baby?! You better back up, Viagra! And thirdly, I think you missed my last Suzy-ism that “slow and steady wins the race.” Kinda goes against your belief system, eh?
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Dear Mason Strawderman,
So, let me get this straight, out of the goodness of your heart, you just stroll around online looking for people who might be missing out on the opportunity to make some extra cash? This is your passion? No, I haven’t heard the expression, “Money is on the list.” You ask if it would be better if I made 50x more? Technically, no. Fifty times zero is still zero, Mason. NOBODYSDEAD.COM? Interesting url for a site. (I wonder what that has to do with money.) You know what? I’m fine. The Lord has been steadily and faithfully providing for all of our needs. I’m going to trust Him to carry on His good will.
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Dear Laci Touma,
Wait. Didn’t I just…? Have you been using bath salts?
Sorry, Laci; but Mason beat you to it.
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So you and “all individuals” are now putting eggs on your lox and bagels? You’re welcome.
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You’re not sure where I’m getting my information?! This is my pregnancy update. Unfortunately, my information is coming from my very own body. You wanna spend time “finding out more or understanding more”? Well, check back on Fridays. I don’t hold back. You’ll have your head wrapped around pregnancy soon enough. Hopefully I can continue to help you with your “mission.” (Though, I really hope that your “mission” is to create the perfect, dazzling, comfortable pair of shoes for pregnant women who stand all day.)