Thankfulness in the midst of grief.

Two months.

It’s been about two months since my kitty, Samson, passed away in the peace and privacy of our home.

I had intended to process the reality of the raw grief as well as the – believe it or not – blessings that came with the manner and timing of his death.  You know I’ve expressed that I never want to bum anyone out on Square Piece and I understand if you might think this is too sobering to read.  But I imagine that a few of you out there have lost a beloved pet as well and I hope that my transparency might be comforting to any lingering grief you might still be carrying in your heart.

In hind sight, I had to thank the Lord for His merciful timing in calling Samson home.  First of all, this could just as easily happened during my pregnancy and I am sure that I would have been an absolute basket case given the extra hormones pulsing through my body.  Additionally, this could just as easily happened once I was back to work.  Again, the basket case thing.  Naturally my clients would have been skipping through the door, with smiles as wide as a mile, ready to find out about Bennett; and with my tear-stained, red-eyed face, I’d likely just end up weeping pathetically all over them and their hair, unable to think about anything besides Samson.

So I do thank  the Lord that my kitty was somehow able to slip away during that perfect and special in between time that I had at home.  He had my undivided attention.

I thank the Lord that Brian works for our church with an understanding staff who took over for his responsibilities that Sunday night.  Brian was so strong for me and showed such great compassion as I wept, cuddling and reassuring Samson.

I thank the Lord that once it was obvious that Samson’s body was shutting down, it happened very quickly, not resulting in the conflicted uncertainty about whether or not we should have had him put down in order to keep him from suffering.  In fact, his face never read a hint of pain or panic.  Samson was incredibly calm, almost in a trance, as we allowed him slip away in the deep nighttime darkness of our tub, cushioned in thick blankets and an equally thick, quiet stillness.

I thank the Lord that Samson purred.

I thank the Lord that Bennett wasn’t aware of the situation that night.  I never had to answer those innocent questions regarding Samson’s absence.

I thank the Lord that the following day was a Monday, a day that my father-in-law was home and could watch Bennett for a few hours.  This afforded me the space to wander around town, numb and distant, while distracting myself with sparkly, colorful objects during my retail therapy shopping.  (I also thank the Lord for President’s Day sales… perfect timing.)

I thank the Lord that Amenity Day Spa hadn’t received their lash perm solution shipment and had to cancel my first lash perm appointment that day.  One whole day in which I didn’t have to fake pleasantries was certainly a gift.

All in all, death is a wretched, evil curse and I thank the Lord that Jesus broke that curse it on the cross, defeating its eternal nature.  While it aches my heart to those lights snuffed out here on earth, still in the present, I do have a greater hope that this isn’t it.  And, yes, I do believe that Samson is whole and happy in heaven.  I can’t wait to hug and squish that fat tabby again.

Now that I’ve got you all emotional, this is probably a fine time to head on over to this post and finish the sentence, “If my mother’s hands could talk…”  Contest ends on Saturday!