Too much information.

Though it’s typically my preference to get in a morning post, it’s probably to your benefit that I’m sneaking a late one in tonight.  Though it wasn’t my intention to dodge the daytime readers, I just don’t feel like the majority of you will appreciate tonight’s variety of honesty.

So I’m just going to say it.

I miss my morning poo.

Now that I’m pregnant, the smell of coffee (much less the taste) is incredibly bothersome to me.  And while I look forward to the day when that remedies itself and I can enjoy a morning cup o’ joe, I even more look forward to its diuretic benefits.

My morning bathroom routine used to be like clockwork.  Five to ten minutes from my first sip of coffee, off I’d go to have my morning poo.  Alas, gone are the days of predictable and reliable bowel movements.

Tea, breakfast, water… Nothing – nothing! – sets things in motion like a cup of coffee.  (Actually, I hear that a morning cigarette helps; but that’s obviously a bad idea right now.)  What makes this terribly disturbing to Pregnant Square Piece is that now I have one more thing that’s out of my control.

When’s the poo coming now?  Noon?  Three?  Five?  

It wouldn’t be so upsetting if our salon had several bathrooms to choose from, or at least one with a few stalls and greater ventilation.  But nOoOoOoOo…  No, we have one toilet for everyone to use, clients and stylists alike.  So not only do I have to hope and pray that my first poo of the day isn’t the sort of situation where time seems to stand still (’cause who has time for that?), but then I have to be sure to replace all the oxygen in that tiny room with air freshener.

Be honest, you never want to go number two just to pass the person victim who’s next in line for the loo.

I have no illusion that you actually delight in hearing these details.  On the contrary, this one’s just for me.  If I ever get pregnant again, I want to realllllly remember what it is I’m signing up for: zero control and zero dignity.


  1. May 1, 2012

    I HATE that we don’t have our own bathroom there! And again im saying a boy based on this info…either that or a girl 😉

  2. May 2, 2012

    Bahahahaha. So true, so true. Just think…in several months you’ll do jumping jacks when working out and realize you don’t control other parts of your body…as it goes trickling down your leg. True story. Love you!

  3. May 2, 2012
    Margaret Treadwell

    hey, that is better than my second pregnancy where I had horrible diarrhea up to 5 time a day…I knew every bathroom between Ashburn and Sterling….

  4. May 2, 2012

    Ah…the fun continues. You may continue to feel less and less in control. It’s bitter-sweet. Surrender all. Raisin Bran is my predictable means of a predictable #2. Your body will probably just take some time to get use to the switch. You’ll find something that works. XO

  5. May 2, 2012

    Routine is good…just have to figure out what will help the process…maybe some yummy fruit or a fruit smoothie (Packed with apricots, peaches, pears, prunes, pineapple…spinach…) before bedtime??? And don’t stress about it, you’ll get back to normal, this is temporary…sorry about my news regarding my pregnancy coffee aversion. I did get back to normal (maybe) I love your honesty! :-)>

  6. May 2, 2012

    That’s one reason why I don’t want to give up coffee. 🙂

    Lemonade worked for me, too. 🙂

  7. May 2, 2012

    Metamucil (I like the plain mixed with orange juice) plus lots of water is really helpful. 🙂

  8. May 2, 2012
    Nicole K.

    Alyssa is right…lack of control over poo will not be the only thing you lose! Lol. Nobody warns you of all the unpleasant and gross side-effects of pregnancy! The heartburn, gas, peeing all over yourself, etc. And dignity? Well, what little you have will be gone when you go to deliver your baby. All of this is still so worth it for the end result! 🙂

  9. May 2, 2012

    I’m like clockwork! Wake up, brew coffee, play words with friends, pour a cup of coffee, and about 1/2 hour later…. time to poo. I hate it when my schedule gets off balance! 😛 I can sympathize.

  10. May 2, 2012

    Try yogurt and if I think of anything else, I’ll let you know. As for the bathroom, Oh Well! This in no way decreases your dignity. It’s only in your mind, no other. We all poo at some time, my dear or certainly hope we doo doo.

  11. May 6, 2012
    erin mcdonald

    You poor thing! As for being out of control, I hear ya! and for loosing your dignity I guess it’s prep for when that little darling humiliates you. My cousin just posted that while watching her older son play base ball she looked across the field on the bank and noticed a little kid pooping on the said bank. She thought to her self “what kind of mother lets her kid do that! Pffft!” and then at second glance she notices that the little crapper is hers! oh the joys!

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