When in doubt, communicate more.

A Comedy of Miscommunication:

The day before my brother’s wedding, I went to work for exactly one hair appointment. While I was in the backroom mixing color, a coworker asked me if there was a rehearsal dinner and would I be going. I really didn’t want to answer that question because I knew how my response would sound; but I said something like, no, because I wasn’t in the wedding I had nothing to rehearse and therefore did not need to be at the rehearsal dinner.

Now, did I want to be at the rehearsal dinner? Of course! But neither Joey nor Caitlin had mentioned it to me, so I assumed that it wasn’t necessary that I attend. Sure, I suppose I could have asked to be certain, but 1) I didn’t want to stress them out and 2) I didn’t want to seem too eager, too needy or too self-interested.

When I called Caitlin that afternoon to see if there was anything that she needed help finishing before the wedding, she asked if she’d see me later at the rehearsal dinner.

Me, “…Do… you… want to see me at the rehearsal dinner?”

Caitlin, “Yes! I have a spot for you and for Mandy and…”

Me, “Oh! See, we didn’t know ‘cause nobody said anything to us…”

Caitlin, “Oh my gosh! Yes! I want you there! …”

And so forth and so on. Mandy was promptly called and filled in as she was in the same mindset as I. Good thing we went. If we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to get this picture (You’re welcome, Manny, for not posting the one that Joey said made you look like something out of The Night of the Living Dead.  You know the one.):

…or this picture:

Her FORTUNE actually says, “Made in the USA.” Um, has the definition of ‘fortune’ evolved into something unrecognizable and diluted? I haven’t been formally notified.

Fast-forward a few amusing details to the second major miscommunication: On the morning of the wedding, Caitlin and I arrived at the church early to do her hair and makeup. (Really, everyone should have a family stylist.) While applying her makeup, she mentioned something about being at our house “tonight.”

Me, “Wait.  Are you staying at our house tonight?”

Caitlin, “Yeah… Wait.  Joey didn’t tell you!?”

Me, “No! I mean, of course you can stay! I had mentioned it to Joey, but he never got back to me!”

You see, I’m about five minutes from Dulles airport. Knowing that the newlyweds had an early departure the day after the wedding, I had mentioned to Joey that if they wanted a place to stay, they were certainly welcome to crash at our house. He listened and said thanks, but never really sounded sold on the idea. I remember second-guessing my offer thinking, “They’ll be newlyweds. Joey won’t want to be at his sister’s house on his wedding night.” Wrong.

But I got a little mileage out of this when I got Brian to myself.

Me, “Brian. I have news.”

Brian, looking cautious, nervous and unsure, “What?”

Me, again, “I have news.”

Brian, wheels turning, “What?  What is it?”

I know that when I’m vague, he always thinks I’m pregnant (which is hysterical since he can simultaneously believe this while being fully aware of the fact that I’m on my period).

Me, “I’m not pregnant. Joey and Caitlin are staying at our house tonight.”

Brian, “Oh, $#%. They are? …Do you have the cleaning lady’s number in your phone?”

Um, we’re knee deep in a few house projects. All my clothes are currently in bags on the floor as Brian is working on stripping and staining our dresser. Also, there’s a rather large hole in the wall of our kitchen (project number 2). Additionally, we’ve been purging the house and garage, so Brian’s been bringing junk in here for me to filter through, weed out and then bag for Goodwill. Those bags are still by the door. The good news was that the guest bedroom still looks all right. The bad news is that the bed is still covered in Christmas glitter (The Christmas Kraken now has a pic of a portion of the gifted goodies!). The good news is that Joey and Caitlin wouldn’t have cared. The bad news is that we do. As it turned out, the hotel offered the newlyweds a honeymoon suite. So instead of hosting them myself, I just got up at 4:30am to make them breakfast and smoothies to-go while dropping them off at the airport.

My marriage advice to Caitlin that day: It is impossible to communicate too much.  When in doubt, communicate more.