With great anticipation, part 1.

It is with great anticipation that I await my most coveted, cherished Christmas gift this year.

Now that I think about it, I might have two most coveted gifts.

But they’re COMPLETELY different.

Gift number one: a plain, white spoon rest.

You see what happens when we don’t own a spoon rest in the Spears household?

Coffee.  Spoon.  Drips.  EVERYWHERE.

It’s probably been about eleven months that I’ve been obsessing over these spoon drippings on my stove top.  And it’s maddening.  Ironically, there’s a simple cure to this madness: “Go out and get a spoon rest, Square Piece.”  Yeah.  I know.  The problem is that I can only remember how miserable a spoon-rest-less life is when I’m glaring at the stove top.  Once I’m out of the house, my spoon-drip troubles are gone and I instantly go to my happy place.  Once in my happy place, I’m focused on every other task at hand.

And it’s silly, but I don’t want to buy a spoon rest.  I find this excursion about as satisfying as buying a pack of batteries or a roll of scotch tape – a joyless purchase of duty.  (And wriggling out of joyless duties is a hobby of mine.)

Can I afford a spoon rest?  Hmmm, let me mull over that in my 72 degree house while I’m situated in front of our newly installed bay window, while I tap away on my fancy laptop, wiggling my toes in my sparkly, black Toms, with my white Christmas tree lights twinkling away and racking up our electric bill.  Yeah, I think I can afford a spoon rest.  I just Don’t. Wanna.

So I figured this past July that when my birthday came around I’d pawn this off on my mom.  I gave my little sis, Olivia, the lowdown.

“Alllllll I want for my birthday is a spoon rest.  You got that?  A Plain.  White.  Spoon Rest.  Make sure Momma knows.”

Excellent hinting, right?  In my mind, my mom would have a clear cut direction and only spend a buck or two.

She must have spent more.  Momma indulged me with some local shopping and gifted me some delicious peach preserves, watermelon honey wine, two bars of handmade soap, a vinegerette and a few other things that were not spoon rests.  (But they certainly were appreciated!)

Since my birthday, I’ve had FIVE additional months to be a grown up and go buy my own spoon rest.

Won’t.  Do it.

So this Christmas I’ve pawned it off on my mother-in-law.

“Alllllll I want for Christmas is a spoon rest.  A Plain.  White.  Spoon Rest.  It doesn’t need to have a corn cob on it.  It doesn’t need to be shaped like an asparagus.  Just a plain, white spoon rest.”

I’ll keep you posted on our situation.

In the meantime, I set out a saucer every now and then to catch the drippings and make myself feel better.

To be continued…